your magic underwear

Last Thursday afternoon, my brother and I boarded a plane to (ultimately) Jamestown, New York. Ever been there? The reason for our trip was to attend the funeral of our dad's girlfriend of a litttle over a decade. So many interesting things happened during this long weekend that several screenplays could be written about them - quite a few about the ward alone (ever been there?). I've thought about whether or not I should write about certain aspects of the trip and I've decided to leave much of it alone, but here's a little taste.

The funeral/memorial service consisted of viewing hours on Friday from 2-4, and 6-8, with a service at 8:pm. Between services, we all went to eat dinner. By "we all" I mean my dad, my brother, my sister, myself, Debbie's kids (Jeff & his wife Cecilia, Kyle, & Zac) and their dad Kevin plus his family, and Debbie's siblings and nieces and nephews, and Debbie's mom, etc.. You get the picture. Big party of people. We went to a nice Eye-talian restaurant and I have to say it was more than a tad surreal to be sitting right next to my dad as he was sitting across the table from, and having a civil conversation with, Debbie's ex-husband, Kevin. My sister sat to my right, and across from me was Kevin's step-daughter, whose friend was sitting next to her (across from Brandy). Both of those girls are seniors in high school.

(Bear with me during all these technicalities - I'm trying to create a mood here, and I don't know the names of everyone that was there.)

As we ate our salads, another woman came in and sat down next to the friend and lamented having to order quickly. As we spoke, I figured out that she is Kevin's sister. My living in Utah came up and she mentioned that she works in the textile industry and had met a few women who worked for Beehive Clothing, have I ever heard of it? Yes, I tell her, I've heard of it. She tells me that she met these women at a convention in Dallas and it was the first she had ever heard of that special underwear they have to make for all the people in the religion out there; do I know what she's talking about?

"Yes, I do."

"Well, I'll tell you, I had no IDEA that they had to wear different underwear. I mean, I learned a LOT about that religion from those women. They answered every single one of my questions, but they weren't pushy about it or anything. As they were talking, I came up with more questions, many of which they answered before I could even ask them. But I learned a lot."

"Well, good. There are a lot of misconceptions out there about it, but it's not really all that weird..."

"Yes it is! I mean, I had no idea. In all my years, I had never heard about it. And special underwear? I mean, what's the point?! Look, I don't know if you're involved in any of this..."

"I am."
at the same time Brandy says, "She is."

"You wear it?"

"Yes I do."

"Special underwear?"

"It's no big deal..."

At this point, my brother, who is sitting on the other side of my dad, breaks in to the conversation; he had overheard her ask if I was involed and thought we were talking about Mary Kay, until the underwear questions became loud and uncomfortable. He says, "What are you talking about?"

"Magic underwear."

"Did you tell them what it is?"

"No, we're still covering what it's not."

James then gives a comparison to a Priest's collar, etc., but it's still mostly lost on our new friends - you know, the ones we're having a funeral meal with - who can't get over the underwear aspect.

"Wait - what kind of underwear do you wear?"

"Are you wearing it right now?"

"Why do you have to wear it?"

"The religion makes you wear it, right?"

"What does it look like?"

"It's as if I were wearing an extra t-shirt..."

looking at me and my boatneck-ish sweater, "You're wearing a t-shirt?"

"No, what she's wearing looks kind of like a tank top. And really long bottoms."

"Do you have to zip it up?"

"How do you go to the bathroom?"

"No zip, it's not one piece, it's two pieces."

"Long bottoms?"

"Like bike shorts."

This kind of thing went on for a while, and I hardly said anything else about it. We finally ended our meal so that we could get back to the funeral home by 6:pm. As James and I walked out the front door, we had to maneuver ourselves around three women who were outside for a cigarette. As we walked away from them, I heard Kevin's sister say to Brandy, "...but, truth be told, those Mormon kids really stand out because they're just so good..."