"day 72 in the twilight zone"

That's what my brother said to me when I answered his phone call last evening. I knew he had a good story for me, probably from his day at work.

My brother lives in Iron County, in a certain city with a lighthouse...you know, to guide the ships. Technically he lives in a town that, if it lived up to it's namesake would be translated. But the address says Cedar, and that's where he works.

The people he works with make his life seem like the twilight zone. Really.

Now, before you get all huffy and think, "Ooooh, Mister I'm-from-New-York thinks he's better than the Southern Utah small-town folk," let me give you some information.

I will compare, for socioeconomic statistical purposes, Cedar City, Utah, with Jamestown, New York. (Again with the technicalities: the small town that James is in now is Enoch, Utah, and the small town we grew up in is Busti, New York.)

Jamestown, New York:
Population (year 2000): 31,730
Median resident age: 36.2 years
Median household income: $25,837 (year 2000)
Median house value: $52,400 (year 2000)
Land area: 9.0 square miles
High school or higher: 79.4%
Bachelor's degree or higher: 14.8%
Graduate or professional degree: 6.2%
Unemployed: 8.3%

Cedar City, Utah:
Population (year 2000): 20,527
Median resident age: 23.3 years
Median household income: $32,403 (year 2000)
Median house value: $121,600 (year 2000)
Land area: 20.1 square miles
High school or higher: 91.3%
Bachelor's degree or higher: 28.1%
Graduate or professional degree: 9.5%
Unemployed: 5.5%

*The education statistics refer to those aged 25 and older.*

As you can see, by comparison, Cedar City is statistically superior to Jamestown in household income, house value, and, please note, educated residents.

That being noted...

The majority of the folks James works with are locals. They are around James's age. James has found that he has little to nothing in common with these people. That's not what bothers him. It's the interactions that happen that make James feel as though he's being Punk'd.

First example: The topic of music comes up and James notices that the musical tastes of his co-workers don't necessarily reflect those of his own choosing. Their choices include hard rap, country, Iron Maiden and Megadeath. When he expressed his disbelief, they asked what he listens to. "Oh, you know, just...regular music, normal stuff."

"Like what?"

"I don't know...Coldplay."

"Coldplay?"

"Yeah."

*silence and blank stares*

James continues, "Come on, you know, Coldplay? They had the number one selling album in the world last year?"

"Never heard of it."

"What?!"

"What else?"

"Dave Matthews, Jack Johnson."

"Who?!"

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Jack Johnson - that's made up."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Wait, I've heard of Dave Matthews...but I've never heard any of his music."

*girl walks in*

"Hey, Stacey, have you ever heard of John Jackson?"

That was about a month ago. Last week, the boss took the crew out to dinner, and they were joined by some workers from the St. George area. James thought that maybe since they were from a bigger area, and due to their trendy style of dress, they might be more familiar with the music that was so alien to his co-workers. At that moment, a Stevie Wonder song came on at the restaurant.

"Hey, Stacey, do you know who sings this song?"

"No."

"Stevie Wonder."

"Never heard of him."

"You should have. I mean, he's no Tupac, but he's one of the greatest musicians of your time - before your time, really."

A few of his co-workers laughed and said mockingly to the St. George workers, "James listens to the weirdest music."

"It's not weird." Turning to St. Georgians, "Is Coldplay weird?"

"Never heard of it."

"WHAT?!"

"Hahaha, yeah, and who's that other guy, James, Jack-whatever?"

"Jack Johnson. You have to know Jack Johnson."

"Jack Johnson...oh yeah, he's the Curious George guy!"

"Yeah...okay."

Today the report went as follows:

James has been informed that the word that describes the person who graduates at the top of their class is called a valevictorian. This is not from just one person, but from most people in James's office.

"You are wrong."

"Nuh-uh! I just called five people and they all agree with me. I'll call more..."

"Um, Iron County phone calls aren't going to cut it here. Look it up."

"If it's not valevictorian, then what is it?"

"It's valedictorian."

"How do you spell it?"

"How do you spell valevictorian?"

"V-a-l-i-v-i-c-k-t-o-r-e-a-n."

"Congratulations. You have just incorrectly spelled a word that doesn't exist."

"Whatever. I'll just call someone smarter than you."

"Stacey, you don't know anyone smarter than me."

I anxiously await more tales...