finally! questions answered!

If you've been a fly in my kitchen lately, you've been hunted down and killed with much rage and perhaps even with my bare hands, but more likely a shoe. But before you died, here's what you heard almost every time I answered the phone:

"Yes, it's true, I am. . . . Yes, again. . . . Yes, on purpose."

And on and on.

So let's get right to it, and we'll see how it all turns out.

Q & A Time!

Are you pregnant?

Yes, I am.

Again?

Yes, again.

Was this a surprise?

No, it was planned, prayed for, and caused much rejoicing. PS -- thanks for saying 'surprise' instead of 'mistake'.

But...your son...he's still...

Yes, a baby. I'm aware. He'll be a year old on Wednesday.

Wow! So that will make them...

...19 months apart. This is wonderful to me. They will grow up together. I love this idea.

Huh. So...how are you feeling?

Like crap on a cracker.

Have you thrown up?

No, I only feel like throwing up every waking moment. Is that better than actually throwing up? I'm not sure, but as for me and my house, we're gonna go with NO.

But other than that, are you okay?

'Other than that'? Seriously? Okay. Let's pretend that this nausea doesn't consume my every thought/move/emotion: I'm also tired. Exhausted.

Oh, did you not sleep well last night?

Um. I have not slept through the night since 1998.

Well, you're probably so tired because you work now.

Right. Not like before, when I was just at home not working. But now that I have a job, you know, so I can pay for my boat, yeah, I'm extra tired.

Well, and you have all those other kids to take care of.

It's their fault? No. It's nobody's fault. I once read that an in-her-first-trimester woman's body uses more energy while just sitting than a man's body uses while mountain climbing. Let's remember that I'm growing a body. I'm going to go with THAT as the reason I'm tired, not the kids whose bodies have already been formed, and who can get their own cereal and/or toast.

BONUS QUESTION FROM PEOPLE AT MY PLACE OF WORK:
Is this your first?

Well... ha ha ha! Bless your soul! No, it's my sixth. (*mental note: Find out what am I doing at work to make people think that I'm only 22.)

When are you due?

El nueve de Mayo, 2008 Year of Our Lord.

Is it a girl? (This question came from my 6-year-old.)

I don't know.

Do you hope it's another boy? OR Now that you have your boy, do you want another girl? OR Do you think it's a boy or a girl?

Let me start out by telling you that if you ever again deign to begin a sentence to me with "Now that you have your boy", you and I will no longer be speaking to one another. Back to the question: This sounds cliche, but I want the baby to be healthy. And alive. Is that too much to ask? As far as gender is concerned, I haven't had any inclination one way or another. Really.

What will you name the baby?

Atchafalaya. We're tossing around a middle name...LeMar?

Will you find out if the baby is a boy or a girl?

Yes. It will be a great Christmas gift.

You haven't even heard the baby's --

Atchafalaya.

--sorry. You haven't even heard Atchafalaya's heartbeat yet. Isn't this too early to announce your pregnancy?

It's risky. But here's why we did it: This is, in all probability, our last pregnancy. I have loved being pregnant. My body has loved it. It's something I'm good at. To think that this is a chapter of my life that is closing so quickly after it has opened is so overwhelmingly bittersweet. I want to enjoy each day of this pregnancy and share it with all around me, as it is likely my last.*

Do you have any cravings?

I wish. I can't find my outlet -- the One Thing, the Go-To, the Never-Fail. Do you have any suggestions? FYI -- chicken is OUT.

What do your kids think?

They can't wait to meet Atchafalaya. They're very, very excited.

Will you have the baby at home or at the hospital? Doctor or midwife?

At the hospital, with a doctor. What's that? You know someone who blahblahblah? Great! I'm going to the hospital, where I will meet my doctor, who will deliver my baby. I will probably have as many drugs as I can, and stay in the hospital as long as my insurance will allow. I will take pain medication and the nurses can watch Atchafalaya in the nursery so that I can sleep. And when I wake up, someone will bring me my meal (that I didn't cook!) while I sit in bed and watch The Price Is Right. It's how we roll.

Thanks for answering my questions today.

You're welcome.

Anything else you'd like to add?

Just this warning: if you ask any more questions, be prepared: I'm in Mother Bear mode, and I WILL be honest in answering.

* - yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you know this one lady who thought she was done having kids and then her baby was 11 and -surprise!- she was pregnant again. And you also know this couple in your parents' ward who, at age 45, got this feeling that one more person needed to come to their family, so they got pregnant again. I am not talking about situations like these, to which I am, by the way, completely open (Personal Revelation is my big platform), but rather the planning of my life, as we are. So there.